We've should at some point have the strength to remember that life is all too fragile. We're all vulnerable. We will, at some point of our lives, fall.

We will all fall.

We must carry this in our hearts that what we have, is special. They can be taken from us. That when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested from our souls.

We will now all be tested. It is these tymes, it is these pain dat allows us to look inside ourselves.

As many of yall may come to realise, ive already been enlisted to SISPEC. Currently undergoing through some basic section leader course. in short BSLC. it has been rather intense but its wad ive come to expect in command school anyways. But fact of the matter is, other company enjoyed the luxury of so called welfare training. Be it upteenth canteen breaks that they've indulged themselves in, earlier book out, no physical activty. From the moment i fall in to report, we were given a good dressing down by the 2i/c. Call that culture shock but i guess i rather have to get use to it since ive been through it before. I guess its unfortunate of me to be in Delta company. despite that, for all the shitty training that ive been subjected to in camp, im not really bothered by it.

what's irking me the past week, heck the past week or so, has been the recurring problem that i just could not get it off my mind. It jus sucks to be thinking about it all day and night. Whenever i went back to my bunk after training at night and turn on my phone, disappointment beckons. constantly saying to myself that it will eventually come. hoping. praying. awaiting. well who am i kidding. its well over and done with in the 1st place. whichever i look at it, i somehow cannot figure out how it started but it has become apparent that im no longer part of it. and the fcuking thing is it gets stuck in my head wherever i go despite my best attempts to chuck it. to be honest when i look back at my life its always full of regrets. Its just the fact that i always think to myself that i need to do something so as not to let this prolong and i have a role to play despite the constant barrage of mishaps that made me what i am now. well i thought i could be perfect. sometimes u know, when u feel u're on top of the world, something suddenly just hit you just like that and bring you back down to earth. Countless i've experience that. But i know that being perfect is when you can look someone in the eye and know you did not let them down.

I feel i've been sold out. i'm stuck in this world. i couldn't leave. im still here. waiting.

i just hope things will return back to the way they were... Just once i'd hope

Who knows? He could be the auntie selling your tempeh in the market.. or the uncle selling kacang puteh... or that ah lian dancing next to you at Este bar..come.. must learn... we catch him together..I received this email telling me that Selamat must be in Malaysia by now, cause the causeway to JB has a big sign saying : " Selamat Datang Ke Malaysia".. Very farnee you guys.

Anyway, if you play DotA.. you will understand if I say that Selamat must have a blink dagger..he blinked through the walls... that or he windwalked out of the cell..still windwalking now... Damn smart I tell you, he's got a lot of manna..Ok, Singaporeans,, we must hold on together.. print out the above picture and bring it everywhere you go.. keep a lookout..

OK!!!! Before I get arrested... Most the above are of course fictions.. purely my own weird imaginations..Don't believe a word of it. Thanks!!!

Need i say more?

Geez.. it's been ages since I wrote a blog entry.It's been gazillion years since I wrote an entry properly.It's funny how I thought back that this was supposed to be my personal diary.Which of course, become very impersonal (duh.. it's online!)

anyway, after surviving through prison life for 3 mths, i'd definitely come to realise dat army is jus not my cup of tea. I mean i jus cant stand those mundane, regitmental lifestyle though it may seem to be all carefree esp when ure a high ranking bastard. Then again signing on or extending my ORD wouldnt be such a bad idea if i wanna earn some extra cash.

On a side note, i jus hated the feeling when ure in camp and the feelin inside you dat jus makes u devoid of emotion and stuff to the outside world. Honestly, I am not so sure why. But perhaps many other things have taken precedence over my vainnes. haha. bt really, as in wen ure in mainland u dun give a damn but wen ure stuck inside, everything else in mainland stuck in our mind. well dats jus on a personal note.

3 mths of not communicating wid the ones u treasure definitely didnt work in my favour. whether its jus me or not, im not very sure. but it seems to me everyone in my life has change one way or another. ok dats too drastic to start off with. bt dats not the pt. its jus dat it somehow makes me feel guilty and lk ive miss so much. Worst im not doing anything about it. Yeah maybe thats my main flaw i guess. Making empty promises became a norm and hence letting many ppl down from time to time. It all boils down to me not opening to others i suppose. Oh well maybe its best for me to jus lead my life and let others to lead theirs and not intrude into each other's path thinking dat it mite rekindle some long lasting frenship. at least it did offer me some invaluable insights on life.

life jus hit u wen u least expected.

well call dat karma, but heck if God does His faire share of blessings and grace, i wonder where my share went. damn, im being very impulsive but well i guess dats how life works. but you know wad? I'd say fcuk it. Fact of the matter is, I believe that, uh, our only karmas are the ones that are self-imposed. You know what I'm sayin'? We, all of us, dig our own holes.

Speakin of which A level results does make or break you. On one hand i thought, hey this aint too shabby u know, take a look at it on a brighter side. but on the contrary, ive realised how much effort and hardwork did i really put in esp on the subject dat matters most. I definitely came to me as shock more than anything to be honest. i didnt expect to get a U for GP. though failure is imminent when i realised dat i wasnt equipped with the right skills or technique to answer the paper. After diligently doing 100001 words, where improving my vocab was my prime target dat yr, it came to my consensus dat my lack of proficiency in English was really due to me not reading up much when i was young. I mean theres a fine distinction between reading what u like and what u're required to just so dat u're being kept updated with the world out there. Dont get me wrong, i do like reading about current affairs but jus to my own discretion. Well no point harbouring at it anymore. I guess the right thing to do is to pick myself up and built on frm my past mistakes.

I hate my tutor

Daylight is for Weak

I’m currently looking at another night without sleep. My college life has been full of these; it has started to become pretty much common practice - I’d get home from school, sleep till 5, study till 12, then sleep until it was time to go to school again. I’m just one of those people who can’t really get anything done unless it’s around 3 or 4 am in the morning. That’s just how it is.

Thanks to today's freakin' time deprived Physics mcq(and I mean, ever), I’m looking at another full-night of work, followed by a chem exam tomolo that I completely overlooked. Yes, that’s right. I woke up groggy on today, decided that I was in no condition for exam, only to find out that the mcq wa kinda killer(well time-wise). That’s just how things work out, sometimes. Who gives a shit, anyway? I feel I’ve probably hit a new personal low in strategic life-planning.

ok dude its time to look up for some inspiration. First up, Wade.

I realised that it’s tiring to play so many games in your head, though i often think of all the little things I could do to bring every other things closer, to play on situations to make me more attractive to it. There are so many little subtle flourishes that I could employ to finesse my way into your life, so many rehearsed lines and movements, in, out, around, looking for the moment when I can, undetected, slowly enter your heart.

I’ve decided against these, though, partly because of who you are, partly because of who I’ve become - it’s too tiring scheming my way into your life. All I want is a vulnerable innocence where I can look into your eyes and not feel like it’s awkward, where the little signs show that there is a comfort and a trust between us. I’ve decided that it would be good if we could build this, together, but you can never build these things alone, it’s true. I’m tired and you’re tired and there are no opportunities any more for the subtle looks when everything has become so obvious.

In short, im refering to the past hectic week occassionally dosing myself with a can of red bull every now and then. Fortunately some paid off, it just serves me yet another learning lesson that i shud not take it for ggranted for sure. Heck, wad ive been subjected to this past week has been beyond horrid especially when it comes to terms with late nite sleep. Anyhow, been busy the whole week, and not having adequate time to learn some new choreography.

3 weeks and counting..

OH shit and Mr Kuah said all of us did badly for our paper. well life is fair. Things you don’t expect to fall on your in head and smash your brains out will do just that, because this is the kind of cunning trick life likes to pull on unsuspecting people.